People like to read news that's relevant to them, which is why we read local newspapers. People also like to read stuff that's relevant to the whole world, which is why we read big papers like the Los Angeles Times and Boston Globe. I like to read about things relevant to people I know, which is why I read blogs. At first, they don't seem like your typical news blog. And they're not. Instead of telling me about the world, the five blogs I like to read tell me about the people I see every Monday through Friday-- they give me the news on those five people and, unless they make some kind of observation on another person, those five people alone. I'm inside their heads for a paragraph or more, if I'm lucky.
So after being gone for a week and having no time to read my dailies, I decided to catch up yesterday and, surprisingly, they all have a similar message: I'm messed up. You're messed up. The whole teenage population is a big, messed up world.
Sometimes I can see the point. Sometimes I know that we're all messed up-- I definitely am-- and decide that I'm better off sitting in my room all day than even reading a book. But other times I wonder, what are we going to do about it? There's no point in posting drama after drama if we don't DO something to pull ourselves out of the hole we find ourselves in. I've thought about it, and I almost always come up with a different response: We don't want to do anything after all, we'd rather play the rebel or the wounded artist. We just aren't smart enough to figure it out yet. We'd rather keep dreaming. We're lost. We dont' know how to climb out. On and on and on and on and
What I'm trying to figure out, basically, is what we're supposed to do. Acknowledgement is usually the first step to recovery, though what we're recovering from and what we're trying to recover in ourselves depends on the person. Are we trying to recover or discover? Maybe that's it. Maybe we have all these plans that either didn't turn out or haven't gotten a chance to be tested out yet. Either way, we know things are messed up. There's the school side of us, which is usually ok and always fake, and then there's the real side. That's why the school side is fake-- because at school, who's really going to be their true, unfettered self? I'm not. At school I'm practically perfect, blending in with the other "smart kids" and getting good grades and being nice to teachers, just like them. There's nothing wrong with that kid other than a bad grade here ant there.
Then there's the real side, the one that steps out of the school costume at the end of the day and sits here at a laptop upstairs, wondering what we're going to do. That's if we decide to do anything at all, really. Will we decide to reach over our walls and talk to someone else, or will we just let our fingers talk to a computer instead? Are we ever going to sit down and figure out why we're messed up so that we can find the solution? Because I don't know about you, but right now my personal solution is three thousand miles and two years away. We need to do something now to get out of the hole. And I've asked this a million times already, but how will we do that?
I don't like the whole "Generation Messed-Up" thing we've got here. I don't like this blog post much either, but whatever. It doesn't make sense, because I'm in same situation as everyone else, believe it or not. It doesn't make sense, but I write nonsense in the hope that someone will make sense of it for me.
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"how will we ever get out of this labyrinth of suffering?" something i'm guessing vaguely that ale and i would say.
ReplyDeletefor me, and i think i've explained this before, i only use this blog to either post thing that relate to how i feel or to just get how i feel out there, cut it up into little square and organize it like plates in a printing press to actually make some wonky sort of sense to me. it's a release! it's a drug! it's my own sense of self-centeredness, spreading out how i feel to the public ("once you put something out on the internet, IT IS THERE FOREVER.").
although, and i've said this before too, most of what i've written is also the rearrangement of someone else's words. i have yet to be original in any sense of the word.
WOE WOE WOE. this turned from something about all of us to me. not my intention, not my point.
the point is or might be that we all have our own reasons! i do see it as something to help me out. it is a release, and it's a chance to review. i think i wrote once about wishing i had a stack of evaluations taped to my back; HOW AM I DRIVING? CALL MY MOM. this is my own evaluation (and, what i've noticed, is mostly self-deprecation. another reason why i want to get rid of my blog so badly.) but for now, it's just nice to have.
but that is just me. i don't know if you were completely on the dot for everyone else's though. i need to do some blog exploring.
i think every generation was Generation Messed-Up.